Is it common during a bad flare that moving out of bed or in or out of a chair would cause explosive bowels? My husband is fine when he stays in bed, but movement up or down, especially involving bending or stooping to a different position is really traumatic. As a result, understandably, he doesn't want to leave his bed. His colonoscopy didn't show any structural abnormalities-just a extremely raw colon.

And related to this, what do people with IBD use for protection from accidents when needed? The pads they sell for incontinence are not sufficient for a situation like this (not enough coverage), and I really doubt he'll want to be wearing adult "diapers", unless they have some fantastic ultrathin ones that one could wear with any dignity.

Thanks for any thoughts or ideas.

Hi, nutmeg.

Yes, I can understand how that would be very embarrassing.

It doesn't surprise me too much that that would happen during a severe flare. I have a very affectionate little grey cat who actually caused me trouble at one point because if I was sitting down, he liked to jump up onto my lap and start purring and kneading my stomach in preparation for settling down for a nap. Well, whenever he did this, I'd have to rush off to the bathroom - even if I'd just gone a half hour before. Similarly, when you get up from a prone or sitting position, you use your abdominal muscles to help you and I can see how that could very easily stimulate an already irritated and sensitive colon.

If you haven't received it yet (I read in another post that you've ordered it) read or re-read Chapter One of LTYG online, as it has several points that I think may be helpful to you. You can find it on http://www.holistichealthshoppe.com - Go to Books, click on LTYG and follow the links.

Another book that I think will give you a lot of insight is When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate. If your library doesn't have a copy you can borrow, it is very well worth buying. I know www.amazon.com carries it since that's where I bought mine.

For now, let him rest, rest, rest. Healing takes a great deal of energy and as Jini has pointed out in the past, if we use what energy we have available for work, chores, etc., it's going to take a lot longer to heal.

However, I think I also remember you saying in another post that there'd been a couple of deaths in his family recently? I agree with your intuitive thought that that combined with the wedding (which while certainly a happy event can also be a stressful time - all the planning that goes in to it and then worrying about whether everything is going to go as planned) are almost certainly major contributors to this flare.

When you think a little beyond this, what causes us stress? Situations that can be very stressful or overwhelming for one person, another may breeze through relatively unscathed. Why the difference? I think it's largely how we perceive the situation. Again, why the differences: same situation and yet the perceptions of two different people can be miles apart. I think that here we have to look into our beliefs (EFT founder Gary Craig calls this "The Writing on our Walls) and then where we got them - and that usually goes right back into our childhood.

To give you an example in my own life, for ages, I secluded myself from people, including people who I knew cared about me, when things were bothering me. Now why was that? Caring people can make a huge difference in helping you get through a difficult time; why did I feel like I had to go through things all by myself?

Well, looking back, something my mother valued right from a very early age in me (I'm told), was my ability to entertain myself and pretty much stay out of trouble at the same time. I was an "easy" child. It's understandable that any parent would enjoy that, but I was the youngest of five children and my Mum had a house and yard to oversee, groceries to buy, bills to sit down and pay, animals to take care of, LOTS of laundry to do, etc., etc., and a husband who, while his business was successful, worked six days a week, sometimes seven and usually for at least twelve hours a day. I learned to be "on" for other people and if I wasn't up to being "on," then I'd keep away because I didn't want to be any trouble. I've really never worked on this particular aspect of myself with EFT; it's only recently that it's started to unravel on its own as a result of the other work I've done and that it's felt "okay" for me to be me when I'm going through something difficult - just to say, "Yes, this is really hard (or scary, or whatever)" instead of saying, "Yes, this is really hard BUT...I'm coping pretty well" (or everyone else has problems too, I know or whatever).

There are two other recent discussion threads along these lines that you might enjoy reading, as well. Here are the links:

http://www.jinipatelthompson.com/bb2/vi ... php?t=1311

http://www.jinipatelthompson.com/bb2/vi ... php?t=1308

So I have no doubt that your husband will benefit greatly from pursuing emotional healing in conjunction with physical healing, but the kicker is, he has to be ready. And that's not something that anybody else can "make" happen. If he is, excellent!

If he's not, (and really, even if he is), make sure that you're supporting yourself all along this journey, as well. Sometimes when we're being there for someone else in an acute situation, we feel like there just isn't time for our own needs and that's certainly understandable. The trouble is, you can only keep pouring good things out of a pitcher (for example), while there's something IN it. So this situation may be an opportunity for you to pursue a kind of healing path at the same time, in a sense. What blocks do you find (if any) to taking care of yourself? I don't mean taking care of yourself to the exclusion of someone else (in this case, your husband)....just finding that place where there's a balance between what you're giving out and what you're putting in.

As far as the diapers, I'd do an online search to see what products are out there. There are those ultra-thin sanitary pads for menstruating women on the market - I'd be surprised if similar technology hasn't been used in adult diapers. I'm sure there are many more people than your husband who'd be averse to wearing something so big and bulky if they needed extra protection!

Hope this helps!

Nicole

Thanks, Nicole. Your ideas were very helpful, and I also need to say that my husband for now has given up on any "natural medicine" in his words, for now. He's back in the hospital and understandably frustrated. I'm not sure he'll get to the emotional healing part, or even read the new LTYG that just arrived, but I guess I have to work on getting comfortable with that and trying to figure out how I can be supportive of his new doctor and him, even though I'm extremely concerned about the path they want to take together.

I don't have a good gut feeling about this doctor, who always mentions surgery and experimental drugs in the first few sentences as he greets us. He seems young and scared and insecure and worried about covering his buttt rather than working with my husband to find the least invasive option. But if my husband feels okay about him, maybe that's all that matters. I'm trying to believe that! I may have to start leaving the hospital room when the doctor comes in to talk about options, so I can be true to myself and not let my questions and concerns overpower their relationship, which is probably what's been happening. My husband nods his head and I fire away. I gues it's getting rather silly. And perhaps he will take up his voice and advocacy if I stop trying to do it for him.

And thanks for the reminder about taking care. I was the same kind of child you were! (surprise, surprise- right?) I'm actually home now, letting his mother take a turn at the hospital and letting myself vent a bit to friends (and this forum) and do things not related to his illness.

Thanks for everything.

I think you're very wise, nutmeg.

And feel free to vent on the forum whenever you feel the urge!

Blessings,
Nicole